Ok, was getting a little confusing remembering at times which apps I was not only part of, but who I invited where. As well as which I had played/viewed recently. Basicly, hard for me to keep track. (Limited working brain cells and all. LOL)
Anyway, realized why when I listed them, There are 24 associated with my page. Not all are seen on my public Myspace. Mainly because I don't see the point of bogging it down and making the page take like 10 to 15 minute to load.
Here is a list of the apps I am part of, some you can see on my MySpace page. If you see one or more here that you play, and wanna join up crews, or otherwise help each other out (Where applicable) hit me up. I'll be more then glad to join you in the active apps listed below, but will doubtfully add many more. I getting confused as it is...LOL
SuperPoke Vampires Mob Wars SuperScratchoff
SuperPoke Pets SuperHug Space Wars Quote of the Day
Mobsters PokerPalace Green Planet MySpace IMe
Heroes Gang Wars Tag Me
Outworld Street Racer Kiss Me
Mafia Wars Dragon Wars Truth Box
Pirates Rock Stars Hotties For Sale
The MySpace instant Messanger I don't always load, so give me some warning. I'd like to hear from ya though and get to know those who aren't as close as some of my Mansfield buddies.
I'm out for now...don't forget, add me to your "Family", "Clan", "Alliance", etc. If you haven't already. Thanks....
We've all had nicknames in our lives. Some still persist, whether we like them or not. Whether they were picked up in school, from freinds or family, doesn't always matter.
Now I've had a few nicknames in my life, but only two ever meant anything, I think. They are also the only two that survived for a while, despite the fact that (with one of them) my last name was boldly printed over my left breast pocket. In order, these nicknames were "Tiny" (And yes, I've heard the jokes, go away now ) and "Shadow".
I was recently asked about the later. Not for the first time I'm sure. I figure this may be as good a time as any, if not a little over-due, to shed a little light on the Shadow. (Pun intended.) Or at least my take on it, and nicknames in general. (This could also cut down on me repeating a story or two so that people don't feel like smacking me. Least not for this. LOL)
The first, "Tiny", I recieved in the military. My first week in actually, not just wet behind the ears but down right swimming in the whole "Oh s.... what have I signed myself up for?" thing. Not even a month out of high school when I found myself sitting in the reception area of pne reception building or an other with several of my soon to be platoon mates.Here I was, eighteen and about fifty pounds over weight, and a good several inches shorter then most of those around me at an astounding 5' 4" tall. (Ok, I'm depressing myself here for some reason. LOL) Anyway, The conversations started innocently enough with the four or five of us getting to know each other a little better while we waited for whatever was next.(In this case I think it was our haircuts, and our elustrius inprocessing Seargant was waiting till the area was a little clearer before taking us over. Though we didn't know that. If you have ever been in the military, you understand the feeling. Superiors don't always explain whats going on, just that you're to hurry up and wait.)
The conversation quickly turned to nicknames for some reason. More directly that we should choose or find our own before any are chosen for us. The popular suggestion for me was obviously "Tiny" because of my weight. Maybe I should have been a little more offended or upset about it than I was, but...well let's face it I was and am rather honest with myself. Even if I don't share those bits of honesty with those around me or the world. I knew I had a weight problem, and that it would need to be dealt with. Which it also would be over the next few months, whether I actually aided in that process or not.
The nickname stuck, obviously. To the point that with most I wasn't Private Bel....I was simply "Tiny". Even to one of my Drill Instructors, as I became one of his projects. I remember more than once hearing the phrase "Oh Tiiiinyyyyy..." and finding myself in position to do at least ten to twenty push-ups. Even in the wee hours of the morning. (I had always thought 5a.m. was a quant thing people talked about untill I started waking up at this hour regularly. LOL) As a side note, I'd still like to thank those D.I.s. I think they showed me more about myself at the time then I would have ever found out on my own. But I digress...
We also heard a few rumours, started at least in seed form by our Drill Instructors about recycling. (No not paper, plastic, or metals...us!) I got a bit driven at this point and was determined to not be recycled. The thought of putting a little more behind the nickname besides my gut didn't help/hurt either. I wanted it to be a little more then just a zing on my weight. Even if by the end of the eight weeks it also cost me a little integrity in my hearing. (I refused to be recycled because I went to sick-call too often like some were aparently doing. Although...well, all I can say it, if you get an ear infection and it lasts for more then a day or so....get it taken care of.) Needless to say, by the end of training, and thirty so pounds less...I made it and wasn't getting the same looks from my comrades as I was in the beginning. I had earned, it seemed, a little respect, and put myself in a new light. Though I probably wouldn't have put it this way at the time. It was a pretty nice feeling to know "Tiny" just wasn't the fat kid. LOL
The nickname stuck, even on into advanced training since many of us were going into the same feilds of expertice. We showed up at the same base for Tech. Training. (A.I.T. for those that care, or know the deal. LOL) They called me "Tiny", My room-mate, again from the same basic Training unit, called me "Tiny"...well, you get the idea. Most I met started calling me the same. My training here was again about an other two months. During which time, looking back, I got to be known as the guy a lot of folks could talk to if they needed to vent, or just keep company with. A bit odd, but a sweet guy I guess. Ready to bum a cigarette or hand, even if I did "Barter" that Cig out for a freindly hug or peck on the cheek from some of my female comrades. (Don't ask exactly how that started. I'm not sure, but neither they or I seemed to mind much. LOL)
I had one freind that I kept in touch with for several years after my training days. It wasn't untill much later that she informed me that she never really knew my name, becoming so used to "Tiny". This seemed odd and phased me a little. Especially seeing that my name, agan, was enblazened across my left breast.
Anyway, the nickname, except with a long distance freind or two, didn't survive much beyond training. Though, I find there is still a certain power in the name. Or is it a title of a form? Still, when I hear the word, for whatever reason, Or maybe something happens and a certain string of thoughts cross my mind, bringing it up...I sit up a little taller, stand a little streighter.Honestly, I feel I am still "Tiny". That young nieve kid of twenty some years ago...Ah, nestalgia. It reminds me a little of the person I wanted/want to be. Reminds me that in some way...I am. Even makes a good comparison for the person I was, and the one I am now. Good or bad.
Now to Shadow. Yes ya blond tree, this one's for you. (Rhetorical question: Why is it some of my best freinds either are or have been at least four inches taller then me?!?! D@mn tall peaple! )
Many (Many? Dear Goddess I think I'm getting old! LOL) years ago, not long after I found my way out of the military, and before access to the "Internet" became wide spread I made a habot of calling a local BBS. For those of you that are far too familiar with the internet, a BBS is what existed in the "Stone Age" of computer networking. People could call these systems with their PC's and get much the same effect as one does on the Internet, but on a somewhat smaller scale. Okay, enough with the computing lesson, if you still have quiestions about BBS's, ask your parents or look it up on Google or Yahoo or something. LOL
When I logged into this system, which shall for the point of this blog remain nameless. Especially since I think it's been defunct (Down, closed, trashed, whatever) for probably over a decade. Err, anyway, when I logged into this system I chose the handle "Shadow". Why? A few simple reasons. I rather liked it, and rthe feel of it. To me a shadow is nothing more then an area which has yet to be eluminated. That which is unseen untill someone decides to take a look. Which still holds true, and there are still a few who call me Shadow. For some reason, they liked what they saw and stuck around. (Why I'm not always sure, but I'm glad one or two of them did.)
It has been a long time since those days, and like with the previous nickname, this one has evolved a little over time. Though not the same way, certainly. It represents a part of me that in many ways people usually see. The odd guy that falls to the shadows of the group most of the time. Listening, ready to add to the group when the chance arises. I'm not trying in any way attempting to ellicit pity of any form here. It's how I am. Again, good or bad.
Now, yes, it has evolved a bit over time. To me the Shadow represents in some part the reserve that is there, can be found, but only if one looks for it. For those things that lay beyond what most people see, or care to find unless it is readily available. Sorry, especially with a person, ya gotta dig a little deeper. Even at timespulling it out kicking and screaming 'cuze it is sunk in rather deep like that persistant weed in the garden. LOL Or in this case a rather nice tuber.(Uh...potato? Carrot? That sort of thing.) Also...I know I don't always share things like my feelings and opinions. Even to my own detriment.
I have a freind or two, who I gladly and proudly call freind, who has shone the figurative light on the Shadow. They obviously found something worth sticking around for, and in once case I'll admite to, even a bit of trash or two, and for some reason still stayed. One has even been through a trial or two with me. Ugh. Though bad, these trials have lent a certain meaning to the nickname.
So...am I the shadow? Yes. Why am I Shadow...because of that which I mentioned before. I tend to fall to the shadows. It is where I find a certain strength. I also find, that like the shadows, I have much to share (Good and bad like most people) that simply needs the light figurativly shone on it. Which few seem to really do since it's too much of a bother. (Many I find, would rather stick with the convenient, the obvious. Rather than look into the darkness and bring light.)
I am the Shadow, walking by the sidelines. Sometimes lonely, but (I think) never quite alone. Don't be afraid to dig through the perv, oddball veneer, or shine a light into the darkened room full of shadows. You may find things which are worthwhile. Even for a cobweb or skeleton or two.
To my freind that asked...I hope this helps a little. For anything more, get out the trusty flashlight....and knock me over the head with it. LOL (Yeah, the like fifty amp one ya run with the car battery! )
For the rest, and even my freinds, buddies, and...well however you might classify...
Sometimes...Nicknames have power. Sometimes they can even lend us strength. So don't just cast them off. Keep them, on occasion...Own them.
For those who don't really know me, or haven't spent a lot of time around me: Allow me to point out the obvious. I'm a straight man in my late thirties (Duh). If an attractive woman walks past, I WILL look (Duh). I am a perv, in a way that was once an affectation but now is to the point of being so much a part of me that even I'm not sure where it leaves off and I start (Duh). The last in the sense of making dirty jokes and innuendoes. If something a person has said can be interpreted as or have dirty thought attached to it…chances are my mind will go there. At least silently. :-) Let us put me aside for the moment. At least as much as possible. Especially since I'm looking to stir up the pot here and hopefully get a few things riled up. Also, while I am again looking for comment and discussion, if all you can do is be over-critical then don't bother. I hope to get insights, honest opinion, discussion points and the like. Not told how bad a person I am just because I don't think the human body is dirty and/or something to be hidden or ashamed of just for the sake of such. Now onward… What is wrong with nudity? In general. Putting aside our individual, or societal definitions of physical beauty. Our society, in the U.S., for example has taken it to the point of enacting laws (Whether enforced or as page fillers in some legal text) which dictate what we can do in the privacy of our own back yards or homes. Which can be both good and bad. Now I have talked to many who share similar views to mine. That is, that there is nothing wrong with the human body or nudity. Yet there is still a big difference between me or any other man walking down the street with our shirt off and "Jane Doe" doing the same thing. "Jane Doe" would probably get arrested, simply because she has a rounder, softer chest then I do. Now, I'm not saying that comfort shouldn't be tempered with a little brains. As a species, we Humans are a hardy stock. Proven by the simple fact that we haven't died out in the last few thousand years, and that we can (and usually do) inhabit just about every form of region on Earth. Yet most of us would agree that it wouldn't be pleasant in -20 degree weather without wrapping up. Nor would it be healthy, hypothermia being the major concern beyond comfort. As well as dehydration and other problems in high heat. We have also all heard the problems that can arise from to much exposure to the sun. Tanning is cool, but taken in extreme can cause many a problem and malady for the skin. Hence, I will/would promote common sense. (Or what I and I would think many of you would consider common sense.) At the same time, look at young children, or even ourselves at a young age. One (only one mind you) complaint I have heard from any Mother is that she has a problem keeping clothes on her youngest at some point. (The youngest usually being under the age of 5 or 6, corrections more then welcome.) Yet that is the way most of us first learned about such things. Our Mothers chasing us down and/or putting us back in our clothes that they spent half an hour picking out and putting us in to begin with. At what point though does that subtle shift take place between 'protection from the elements' and the 'need to cover up' for proprieties sake (Or any other such reason)? I like to think of myself as a relatively intelligent person, who is in charge and responsible for his own actions. Who, despite how I might (or might seem) to interact with my friends and associates, is not so sex crazed that if I saw an attractive woman sunning herself topless or nude I would be able to control any urges I may have. In other words that I wouldn't just go over and want to jump her. Am I the rarity for this form of self-control? Or is it something that is so taken for granted that is virtually forgotten? I wont lie, if I see a woman I feel is attractive, I will most likely admire her beauty. Even go so far as to try and talk to her. Like most men, and even women for that matter. It's a baser instinct thing, propagation of the species and the like. Yet we are more than our baser urges needs and instincts aren't we? And yet seem to be the only species on the planet that seems to have, for the most part, a societal problem with its form. Why? Even if at some point there may have been a reason, does that reason still exist? If I as a man need not worry about walking down the street or working in my yard without a shirt, why should a woman? Honestly, besides having bigger breasts then a man (Yes guys they're called breasts, even if we prefer to call them Pecks on a man) what is the difference? Where do our inhibitions come from, why, and should they still be such an influence on us? (By the way, I'm not actually trying to say I'm against clothes, I'm not. Beyond the reasons put forth for the elements, clothes can be very nice. Besides redheads, I've always been a sucker for the light peasant dresses and off-the-shoulder tops. No reason that I can figure out, just am.:-) )
_I'm sure a phrase like this has passed by most of us. We've thought it, said it, or had it recited to us. (It crosses my mind probably every other day.) It's so common, it probably has lost most of its meaning. Which brings up a good point, How much meaning does it have? To most of us anyway. _Recently I was part of a conversation in which I quoted it, and was informed that, while nice, it was just words. Is it? Needless to say, I've obviously put some thought to it. _It can be, if you want it to be. If that's the case, they're nice words. Maybe fed up with what ever is going on, and the words are a good replacement for those of us who would rather not want to curse. Maybe even a good excuse to not continue with something or to take on something new. _The phrase, I think, can also be something else. An invitation, a challenge even, to evaluate where you are. Whether said by someone else or to yourself. As I pointed out in the begining the phrase "I can only do so much" probably crosses my mind every other day. Ussually as a sign of some form of frustration. Although, at times, it's not just frustration. When I feel not just frustrated, but overloaded and run down. When, as we've all felt I'm sure, I can't seem to get anything accomplished. I know what I need to do, or get done within a certain time frame, but no matter how hard I try...it just doesn't happen. And I'm not really any closer to my goal(s) as when I started. _Yes, I know, we all feel like this at times. Maybe more often then some would like. Yet do we always realize why? Because we CAN only do so much. We just can't always see it because we're in the middle of it. Rather like being in the center of a rather large tornado. (Ever seen the movie "Day After Tommorow"?? Remember the eye of the storms?) At the very center all is calm while everything around us seems to be moving hecticly, even chaoticly, of its own accord. We see whats right around us, almost oblivious to evrything outside the center, or eye, of our own storm. Our lives. _The analogy may not be completely correct, but I think some out there can see the comparison. While not everything around us is distructive, acctually very little of it may be, it all takes its toll. Dealing with children, (We love 'em, theyre the joy of our lives, and can drive us nuts) Family members, significant others (Yes, Husbands, wives, Boy/Girlfreinds, that wonderfull pet we had imported from Australia and lovingly call "Fred", whatever), Work, Freinds. Things in our day to day lives which may call for a commitment beyond that one day, that one hour. All of it can, and often does take its toll even if we don't always notice it. Physicaly, emotionally, and even spiritually. _Obviously, especially when we hear that phrase, we need to step back, take stock, and see what the heck is going on. If we're suffering because we've obviously overcommited ourselves, or taken on something that may add more of a load then we can handle, then something needs to change. _A period of evaluation is at hand. Putting a priority on our tasks and commitments. An easy method from here would be to cut off everything with a low priority. And/Or working only with the top (Pick a number) on that priority list and coming back to the others as opertunity presents itself. Yet that may not be the best way to go about it. Some things should always be a priority. Like time for yourself. Everyone is a little different, and will have a different set of priorities. _Some things, which may warrent a high priority, may also be the most detrimental. Hence a difference between what SHOULD be a priority, and what you, or I, WILL set as a priority. I'm oviously not going to keep going on with somethng that ends up being detrimental, harmfull, to me.
_Basicly, when the phrase "I/You can only do so much." comes up...is it just a phrase? Is it just words? Or is it a Sign that maybe someone needs to do a little evaluating and "house cleaning"? That's up to you to decide. We all need to from time to time. _Most of what I have said may seem, and be, rather obvious. Let's face it though, in todays world the obvious, the simple stuff, can often be forgoten or overlooked.
_Know I don't know if the two wonderfull peaple I was talking to will read this. (Yes I said WONDERFULL , despite and even possibly because of ones veiws of Roos.) I hope they do, and that I do not offend somehow. Who knows, maybe I have helped a little. But probably not.. LOL _Anyway, I thank them for making me think...it's an odd sensation, and I like it. :-) What are your thoughts? Am I full of it? Did I miss something? Comment...I dare you.
A Sense, Like a dream, Swelling, waving, Cinnamon water, Tart, Sweet, Warm and Tingling, Soft, Dark Red, and secure.
As a storm felt afar, Its nethers dark and grey, Rich with a promise of rain, Towering fingers, Billowing skyward, Slowly moving, Searching, Seeking, Awaiting, Some perfect Local, Ripe for Storm.
Richness, A single Sensation, Encapsulated in her smile, Flash of an eye. The Impression, Of a Friend.
Tis as if Mine eyes are aflutter, And when they close, I recieve but a short respite. Again they open, As from slumber. Seeing for the first time, Fresh and anew, Wider, farther, deeper. My perspective changed, For better or worse in what they see. As my vision dims, Weariness draws in. And it begins anew....
) and "Shadow".
It reminds me a little of the person I wanted/want to be. Reminds me that in some way...I am. Even makes a good comparison for the person I was, and the one I am now. Good or bad.
(Rhetorical question: Why is it some of my best freinds either are or have been at least four inches taller then me?!?! D@mn tall peaple! 
)
)
